Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Why Straight Folks Should Be Quiet About Marriage Forever!

Straight folk should shut up about marriage and I mean immediately. Married people should not look their noses down on anybody. Straight folks need to stop jabbering on that marriage is between a man and a woman. Pastors need to stop shoving marriage down folks throats. And women, especially black women need to stop whining about marriage. The current state of marriage in America sucks, period! More than half of all marriages end in divorce. What's so great about being a part of that statistic?

We elect public officials that have wives and children because we think they are somehow better people than someone that is single. That is being proved to be a completely bogus ideal. Hours after being sworn in as the new Governor of New York State, David Paterson admits that he and his wife engaged in extramarital affairs, Paterson admitting a three year relationship with another woman. The couple describes this time as a "rocky patch" in their marriage. That's not rocky, that's broken. And it's an excuse, because it sure ain't marriage. Let's not get started about the guy he replaced or Hillary and Bill Clinton or John McCain. Not to mention the Vitters and the Kilpatricks. Been there, done that.

If this is marraige, I want no parts of it. If marriage means putting up with a man that pays for sex with prostitutes or engages in affairs with his staffers. No thank you. Do marriage vows really mean anything or are they some fake words people recite? I am sick and tired of looking at women with education, their own money and their own professions looking completely beatdown because their husband is airing their martial dirty laundry in public and they are standing there like a Stepford wife supporting the trainwreck that used to be their marriage.


roslynholcomb March 18, 2008 at 4:57 PM  

Actually that marriage statistic is somewhat erroneous. While it's true that half do end in divorce, marriages amongst folk who are actually adults and aren't having shotgun weddings have a much lower divorce rate.

tasha212 March 18, 2008 at 6:18 PM  

I believe in marriage. I always will. However, I do not advocate that being married means standing by your spouse no matter what. If a person breaks the marriage vows by committing adultery,then the marriage has been broken, and in my opinion, irrevokably.

tryexcellence March 18, 2008 at 6:26 PM  

A three year relationship with another woman is supposed to be a rocky time in one's marriage? Sounds like a man who willfully, intentionally and repeatedly violated his commitment to his marriage. Disappointed to hear this. For some reason I was thinking his infidelity was a one time thing. I guess it really doesn't make a differnce.

Shirley March 18, 2008 at 9:15 PM  

Some marriages are so "meant to be". The late Steve Irwin and his wife Terri, I think, were soul mates. So are Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.

I love being married! Don't look to politicians/men of power as examples of what marriage is like!!!

Felicity March 19, 2008 at 9:53 AM  

I believe in marriage myself, even though I have been divorced and been single for almost thirteen years. My marriage ended because I married the wrong person. Politicians (some of them) are not a good examples of marriage at all. They have married for gain and power and it looks good. There are plenty of people who have passionate loving marriages, but you don't hear about them. All we hear about the bad marriages. No marriage is great, if you get the right partner. You don't have to 'work hard' it just flows. It is nice to be loved and have someone to share your life with. Also I intend to get marriage again.

Randi523 March 19, 2008 at 10:48 AM  

I stopped feeling good about marriage about 4 months ago-no one is really "selling it well enough" for me...

I think it's very damaging for these women (and men, when it happens the other way around) to stand by the offender. It almost looks like: "you can dishonor our marriage vows; do what you want when things are going the way you want them to, I'll still be here for you."

wisdomteachesme March 19, 2008 at 11:50 AM  

you are funny to me prof! lololololol
*and i agree with you that some 'straight' people really do need to be quiet*

i believe in marriage-for the people that want to get married.
that will not work for me. and even if 'family members' were allowed to marry--i truely cannot say i would want that....
A strong, committed relationship is what i have and i am extremely pleased and happy with!
God is Good!

i believe, that people are loving the idea of a big pagent type wedding, but have not gotten to know the person they are marrying--and then they do not inviting God/Jesus to the wedding nor the marriage. which means that neither will probably work out as it should--if you are with the Right person. (that is another topic)
Any committed relationship is work, and not always hard work either-but it takes a willing heart and spirit to want to grow and accept the changes that are neccessary to keep the relationship vibrant and full of unconditionaLove and respect. I would not want to be joined with someone that is stagnent and a stump-not growing and not wanting to grow-eewwww--not producing any fruit or sowing any good seeds into a good ground...make sure you listen to God so you don't marry a weed!

Wanting to know the person that you are committing to spend the rest of your life with is vital. and if one has no desire to serve, but to only be served--then the relationship will not work--it will crumble and fall apart. it is based and built on a foundation of selfishness and pride. as soon a trouble springs forth and a strong wind arrives, this relationship will fall over dead, roots and all.

i love my partner today more than when we got together 4 years ago. and i was head over heals with her then. my love for her just grows and grows...
You Gotta get some of that 'miracle grow' that God gives :D

in fact, i am very much In love with her and i only see it growing stronger and fuller, not declining.

i do pray for married people of all colors & all levels of society...i pray that if they are with the right person, then they will allow God to be the center of their relationship--the center of their Joy..not a bunch of stale, dogma rules and strict manmade doctrines created and used to control people in a negative way.
Love-Love-Love is what we all need--many people get married for the wrong reasons--many people involve themselves in relationships for the wrong reasons...
they really need to examine their motives.

*lol...still laughing at you prof--you are funny to me--in a good way*

SheCodes March 19, 2008 at 12:21 PM  

Sorry Prof, but I totally disagree with you. The examples that you are quoting are not marriage. A piece of paper does not make a marriage.

I have eye witnessed an amazing 42 year marriage up close and personal, between my two parents. My four grandparents were married, and loved each other to the point of it becoming a joke.

When my grandmother died, my grandfather refused to speak English again till the day he died... he struggled with the language all of his life and he did it only for her.

I could not be anywhere near what I am today without my father's daily attention in my home, along with my mom. I saw what a man who loves a woman is like. I did not have a craving for male attention that drove me to having sex with men who didn't love me -- because I had all that I needed.

I had enough to eat because my two parents worked together... HARD... to provide for me. My mother wasn't exhausted and overworked, because my dad was there to help me with homework, and to share the burden of parenting.

What I witnessed is priceless beyond measure. It was a TRUE MARRIAGE, and it's a shame that women today are so completely separated from that reality, that they don't believe that it can exist.

Professor Tracey March 19, 2008 at 12:48 PM  

Hi All -

I'm no fan of marriage in the first place, period. And my point is not that good marriages don't exist, but the fact the so many people act high and mighty about marriage, but don't want to face how dsyfunctional the institution of marriage has become. You are not better than someone else because you are married, you are only just that, MARRIED. And that's one of my points. Enjoy your marriage and stop looking down at others.

Two, we as Americans want this fantasy that our elected officials have this ideal family life and we have had repeated examples of how fake their marriages are. If we didn't celebrate what great
"family" men these folks are supposed to be it would not be and issue for me.

Marriage is marriage for me. I know that marriage is difficult and not easy, but the vows are supposed to mean something.

wisdomteachesme March 19, 2008 at 1:52 PM  

prof tracey said ="but the vows are supposed to mean something."
*hand clapping*
yes, very true-very true...
i agree with your points prof. that many married couples do look down on others that are not married..i've witnessed this as i'm sure we all have..and all these
polo-ticians that are using marriage as some sort of shield of full acceptance of them to hold office. it's laughable to me.
but that last staement you made it the key..
If you vow to love another then keep the vow!
i think, some people do not love themselves unconditionally, therefore, they are not able to give love to another.
that makes ones break the vows they made.
to love another the way they need to be loved-you have to be love yourself.

Saint Lucian Dutch Canadian March 20, 2008 at 9:14 PM  

I've been listening to an audiobook called Authentic Happiness (www.authentichappiness.org) by Dr. Martin P. Seligman. According to the research, Married people are happier people. I'm getting married in 5 months. My parents have been married for 34 years. My fiance's parents have been married for 30+ years too. I only have examples of positive marriages in my life. I'm so ready and thrilled to be getting married and can't wait to be a part of the marriage. Marriage is a good thing.

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