I offer these not-exactly-simple-to-follow rules from the bottom of my heart. Call it tough love if you want to. Don't get mad if you think I'm hitting a little to close to home, change your behavior. Be honest with yourself, if you have been violating the rules, stop it! If you have a girlfriend or family member violating the rules, tell them to stop it! Do not support their bad behavior. No more excuses. If you want love, do right! We keep making it harder on ourselves and each other by engaging in the same negative behaviors in our most intimate relationships and then tearing our hearts out because things didn't work out.
I have never been a woman very interested in marriage, but I do enjoy being in love and in a relationship. I can completely understand each and every sister that longs for a family of her own. I have put men, particularly black men on the shelf for a long minute because I didn't have room in my life for the drama, but in 2008, I intend to get back in the "love game" with a renewed vigor. Take these rules as a collective from my own personal experience in my own life, the experiences of my female friends, sorors, female family and church members, and very public incidents from other black women in your wild and wacky black community.
Help End The Marriage Crisis - The Ladies Rules
1) Stop Lying! Tell the truth about your age, your weight, your education, your hair weave, your jacked-up credit, your over-bearing mama, and how many kids you have. I am sick and tired of women whining about being loved for "the real me" and then watch them lie through their teeth about EVERYTHING they really are. If you can't trust someone enough to tell them the truth about yourself, you have clearly have not found the right person for you! And lying by omission is still lying! I can guarantee, any secret you're keeping or any lie you tell is going to eventually come to light!
2) Don't Get Involved With Committed Folk! A married man is exactly that, a married man, that's it, that's all. No excuses! Run! Men with girlfriends are off limits as well. No excuses! Run! Men who claim to be single and have a female "roommate" need to be checked and double-checked for possible commitments. If you are too frightened or unskilled to discover a man's marital or relationship status, hire a detective and have him run his credit and do a criminal background check as well. Cover all the bases!!!
3) Stop Wasting Folks Time! Don't give your number to a brotha you don't really like or are not interested in. You are making it harder for the next sista that might actually like that fool you are stringing along! Don't go out on dates because you hungry, want to see the latest Tyler Perry movie, or you're just plain bored. Put your efforts into folks you really dig and want to spend your valuable time with!
4) Dating and Sex is not a monetary transaction! Your ass is not an ATM, stop acting like it is. Don't exchange sexual favors to pay your rent, pay your bills, or to get your hair and nails done. Whenever I hear black women complaining "how did that brother think I was going to have sex with him because he bought somebody's dinner?" I always think, you did! Dating is a mutual act of personal engagement, it is not an opportunity to improve your financial situation.
5) Stop Being Mammy! Don't let no man drive your car, use your computer, eat your food, watch your cable, stay at your crib, use your AAA card, talk on your cellphone, use your washer and dryer, use your credit card, and under no circumstances DO NOT CO-SIGN for anything or LOAN MONEY! You are not the Red Cross, Salvation Army, or the Fred Jordan Mission, its not your responsibility to "mother" or "take care" of the individual you are dating! And never, never ever put any man's needs or wants, before those of yourself and your children!
6) Don't Make Compromises! That is compromises you can't or won't live with just to have a man in your life. If you like going to church, dating a man that doesn't like church, could be a problem. If you are a family-oriented person and the man you dating is not, that is never going to work! If you like reading, movies, and travel and you met a man that doesn't read, go to movies or travel, maybe you should leave him alone. And a golden gem from my own mother, "Dump any man that does not celebrate birthdays or holidays!"
7) Make No Excuses For Abuses! Anytime a man gets abusive; emotionally, verbally, or physically, IT'S OVER! Get Out! Yesterday! It's going to happen again, you cannot change him!I do not want to read about another black woman being assaulted, raped, or murdered by an abusive partner in 2008!
8) Relationships Are Hard! Having a boyfriend can be difficult, I imagine having a husband requires the patience of Job! Any relationship is going to require hard work on your part. So, stop acting like a relationship or marriage will be the savior of your life, its just something else you going to have to work hard to maintain like a career.
9)Be More Sisterly! Stop being consumed with finding a man or being with the man you're with. Build and maintain your friendships with your girlfriends. Men rarely dump their buddies even when they have girlfriends or wives. Yet, black women vanish on their girlfriends in a second when a man is around. And I don't mean "girl, you'll find a man too" support, but keeping up with them and their lives regularly, not after your relationship breaks up!
10) Be Independent! Being truly independent is not just paying your own bills and taking care of yourself, it means finding something to do - by yourself and for yourself! Do something different, do something you have never done before. Stop whining and get involved. Volunteer! Go to the gym! Plan a trip! Use your brain! Read a book! Go the museum! Go back to school! I am shocked at the number of black women that cannot entertain themselves or do absolutely anything by themselves. It's your life, live it! There is no guarantee that you will ever have a man of your own. Don't waste valuable time waiting!
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